September 2011
11 posts
Things That Disturb Me About Myself
Sometimes I drink a beer with a straw to be a lady.
Whenever I am left alone watching TV I will start to pick at my face, just to create new problems on my face when there is none.
I talk out loud to myself, but maybe I am beginning to have conversations with inanimate objects as well ‘Oh, hey, what’s up computer. You gonna be a massive fool today, or what?’ And then I’m...
1 tag
Women Are Effin' Funny
I was raised with funny women.
There were the women in my own life, for one. My mother’s got the same kind of rapid fire mouth Marissa Tomei has in My Cousin Vinny whenever she had to clean shrimp, a task she really hates. Thern there were the women I saw on television- Lucille Ball, Gilda Radner, and Jane Curtin were all a very early part of my childhood life. It never fucking occurred to...
Four Day Countdown
First draft of book, 240 pages (more or less..probably 20 pages less) due on Thursday.
I’ve already made plans for this day. These plans are to play a drinking game to that show Whitney, the upcoming television HIT that consistently fills me with rage and then immediate joy at that rage. I’m probably going to do some sort of dance. Then I will get very drunk, because I will be...
Things That Piss Me Off
People who walk three at a time on the sidewalk, usually high school girls, who are linking arms and skipping down the street like I have NOWHERE to go I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO
When the outfit I love is great but doesn’t come in my size, like little elves come in the store and are aware I need this one dress for this one thing and decide to ruin my life for it
The sitcom Whitney being a...
Crunch Time
So this is it.
Ten days till the draft of my very first book is due. I kind of try not to talk about it too much, because when I first started on Tumblr one of my favorite blogs got a book deal and they stopped writing on it and just posted BUY MY BOOK every fucking second until I ballooned in a massive balloon of rage. Sometimes people are annoying. But yeah, there’s a Frenemy book on...
3 tags
On This Day Because
We all know what today is.
As a girl living in a New York City borough, I’m aware of what’s it like to see what this kind of thing does to somebody living in a city- I acknowledge that bad shit can happen yet I keep on keeping on. I take the subway. I live my life and I don’t really think about it. I take note without really ever taking note.
The point is, I was 13 years old...
What My TV Watching Says About Me
It’s 11:30pm, and I’m laying down waiting for it to turn 12am, or 2:30am, or any other time of the night that urges me to go to bed. It never occurs to me how I might look to other people whenever I find my way onto my own living room couch- like an octopus in a Mr. Bill T-shirt, like a deadbeat stepfather (hair as equally awry), like any kind of creature that worms its way onto a flat...
Fall: The Only Season
September finally rolled its lazy ass out of bed, and I am happy as all hell to say goodbye to summer once and for all. Why? I don’t know, why don’t you politely ask the 3,000 bug bites on my legs, the pools of sweat on my forehead, or the millions of ‘BIKINI SEASON’ Nair/fad diet commercials. I’m done with summer, not only because I did not have a swooping summer...
No, Really, I'm Awkward.
You ever get that obnoxious person who you casually mention ‘haha yes I’m very awkward’ to and they puff up their chest like a college-educated rooster and go ‘BAHAHA you’re not AKWARD BLARGH GAR ARF?’ It’s like, bitch PLEASE I am not saying this because I get enjoyment or some sort of cookie medal for being a weird clumsy fuck. I don’t feel COOL...
1 tag
My Dating Blog!
Entry #1:
No new dates today! Technically, no contact with a ‘new human individual that is not taking my order at the sandwich place.’ Perhaps I’ll stare longingly out my window tonight, alone and shivering though I am not cold. Perhaps maybe then I will feel the love of the universe and not need to feel the love of another person. Then the loneliness that screams inside of...
