August 2011
11 posts
On The Word Slut
(or using it as a derogatory word for another girl)
I don’t get offended by a lot of words. Frankly, you could go up to my face and call me a slut and I’d just be like ‘no I’m not, I stay home mostly and watch Food Network and maybe you should call me a creepy shut-in instead.’ That shit rolls off my shoulders, and it never pushed me into a lecture and a rage every...
The Friends I Have On Facebook
The wounded girl who still believes in true love. This means her Facebook is littered with misquoted Marilyn Monroe quotes, misspelled Audrey Hepburn quotes, and lyrical musings on why looking for love when you are so ‘g3nuine’ is a very difficult task. Usually pictures of herself with many ex-boyfriends, all who look like they either worked on a truck for 22 years or played baseball...
Birthday Goals
It’s my 23rd Birthday today, and instead of roaming the Brooklyn streets “FACED” off my Forever 21-clothed ass, I’m at home sick, watching Food Network and contemplating a celebratory ‘handful of chips and white wine with ginger ale.’ Yay! It’s okay. I get to cruise Facebook for birthday posts and see who my REAL FRIENDS ARE. And I also get to soak in...
Flu Hiatus
I’ve been sick as hell because my 23rd birthday is on Tuesday so I obviously have to lose my voice and feel so achy I don’t fight when Limitless is on and I watch the whole thing. That movie sucks but is HILARIOUS. Anyway, hopefully I will be back on the writing road tomorrow, just letting you know right now I’m wearing Old Navy heart boxers and an Austin Powers Big Dog shirt and...
To Future Generations
Read the newspaper or a magazine or something that is on paper. Don’t let the whole ‘print journalism is dying!’ bullshit come true because sometimes dying newspaper jokes can be really funny. Also, if you stare a a computer screen too much you’ll either gain wrinkles around your eyes or you’ll start doing online dating/never leave your house because of reddit. Have a...
The Best Things In The World
Finally removing all the shit from your room that has piled on the floor and you say ‘oh look I put the underwear in the underwear DRAWER’ and then thinking you have accomplished something like not having your room look like a crime scene. Seriously, your room looks like a crime scene where Horatio from CSI is going to be all ‘looks like this pile of laundry is a pile of DEAD...
Oh Great
It’s one of those:
“ask me a question and I’ll answer it” posts.
So do that. I will have you know, however, that I got a Dr. Who question right at bar trivia tonight and I have Tumblr to thank for that, I think. We got second place and I got a free beer.
Anyway, ask box away kiddies. If not, I’ll just write something about high school or something. What do you...
When I'm Up at 3am
First of all, this happens too often. I swear to myself, “okay, you’re going to be a different kind of person tonight. You’re going to be the girl who puts on her pajamas (real pajamas, not just the big t-shirt I usually wear) at 10pm, who curls up with a book and moisturizes and tucks herself in at 11:30 with a tiny glass of water by her bed.” And that never happens. Maybe...
Regrets
I’m not a big fan of having regrets. Of course, this sometimes poses a problem because I usually want to punch everybody who says ‘everything happens for a reason’ in the face. Why? People who say that are telling me that while I am at my most miserable, and nothing is worse than smart-ass people letting me know things are WORKING THEMSELVES OUT when I’m sitting in a pile...
How To Be Social
Go to a party where you only know one person. This can be at an apartment or a bar, I don’t give a shit where it is, it just is.
Go! Seriously, you promised your friend. I know, I know, social situations are about as enjoyable as eating ice cream with your ass, but let’s just pretend you love meeting people and taking walks on the beach, or whatever else makes people vapid social...
You Won't Always Like My Music
When you meet me, I will not try to impress you all that much. I will not lie and tell you I am good at playing pool, because I am not. I’m awful, and sometimes I’m okay, and mostly I jut smack talk you because I’m an idiot and my brother made me watch wrestling as a kid so I can smack talk. I will not tell you that I hope to travel to Thailand one day, or that I am learned on a...
