My Feelings On Sports
- When I was a kid, I had a birthday party at a movie theater to see Air Bud and when Air Bud dressed up as a clown and was owned by that dipshit pervert human clown and the kid was yelling at him I cried but nobody else did
- For a while, my favorite movie was Space Jam but nothing grossed me out more than the part where you see all the earwax in Michael Jordan’s ear
- also I had the Space Jam soundtrack and I would pretend to walk a runway to most of the songs on that CD
- In high school, I had a friend named Jenne who had a crush on Jorge Posada because she thought he looked like a moose and never once did that strike me as odd
- I picture Ivan Drago when I think of the evil coach from Mighty Ducks Maybe Two
- I was chosen to catch water balloons in this hat that had a bucket on the top during a minor league baseball game once and I have no idea how well or not well I did at this game, I’m guessing I was probably just humiliating my parents
- One time an animal bat flew into my brother’s head at a baseball game
- I like beer
- In high school I had to sing the national anthem at most football games because I was in an a capella group and also I never really dated anybody in high school
- One time me and my brother drove to watch the Jets play and I only remember how much we talked about Queen Latifah
- I loved the SuperBowl because my mom always made tacos but one time I got really mad at her when she didn’t buy sour cream and we fought and I was 14
- I can’t pretend that I love sports but I watch it sometimes and I think sometimes I have moments of Stockholm Syndrome where I mildly enjoy it but maybe because I like all the different soda commercials
- ESPN is like the Home Depot of television
- I still root for Dennis Rodman to become an alien like that Men In Black joke
- I used to be pretty okay at the Sega Genesis game “Shut Up and Jam!” which Charles Barkley was a fan of as well
- I knew I had matured when I stopped telling guys who liked sports how much I enjoyed sports and kept it to a quiet, understanding burp but now my boyfriend loves sports and I think that’s really unfair for me
- I was the scorekeeper for my brother’s basketball team in middle school and I had a crush on this kid because he wore tube socks
- pretty decent at Beer Pong
- I ran track for a bit in high school and would pretend to lose my contacts so I could go to the bathroom and just stare blankly and eat a coffee yogurt
- Barf. Nachos! (general feeling)
