Things I Have Considered Doing To Have More Money

  • get hit in the leg by a taxi cab or mail truck
  • stop drinking
  • stop ordering craft beer at every bar
  • put a donate button on my blog in case one of my followers is a secret millionaire who likes to help girls who are kind of broke by their own accord
  • but I’m not an asshole
  • at least I never considered Kickstarter
  • start an Ancestry.com account in case I have a really rich, dying eccentric uncle who I could teach to love again in accordance with his death and fortune
  • eat less snacks
  • take the “dinners out with friends” down a notch
  • give up one of my eggs for eight grand because the world could use another loud human being with glasses
  • sell all of my blood
  • sell literally everything in my room except for my underwear and books
  • cash 4 gold 
  • enter a reality show as the dark, real-boobed horse
  • drink the expired milk
  • purchase Tribe hummus, ew 
  • get drunk, go to the bodega, win the lottery
  • stop buying Vitamin Water
  • go through my high school wardrobe because if you’ve never seen me wear it, it’s new to you
  • write a porn movie that prides itself on plot
  • put an ad on Craigslist to see if high schoolers would pay me to do their English essays
  • sell my body, maybe a liver or a thumb
  • become a “sugar friend”—become really good buddies with an old rich person and teach them how to use the Internet
  • buy 2-in-1 shampoo conditioner
  • rob tourists
  • move out of the city to the “Job State” the state with all the jobs the “Job Town”
  • wash my clothes in the bathtub
  • lab rat
  • I really think putting myself on a babysitting website would be a dead end and a bad idea for most parents
  • performance art where I cry and the people watch
  • start a viral Twitter called Modern Seinfeld or Shit Girls Say, I totes just need the great idea and everybody stole it from me
  • stop paying my electric bill
  • get thirty-six credit cards with no limit
  • sit in my room and do nothing for a month straight
  • have all the jobs I have applied to call me back and I take them all, all of them
  • consolidate the 40 MetroCards I have
  • become a can lady
  • maybe the kind of fetish work where all you do is hold balloons and lick stamps
  • demand that somebody give me ten thousand dollars
  • return my college education

Posted 5 months ago
282 notes
  1. kyongye reblogged this from thefrenemy
  2. thebwordisabadword reblogged this from mumblingsage
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  4. heyheyheytheendisnear reblogged this from silverilly and added:
    Meanwhile, thing’s I’ve considered doing have done and actively do to have more money… (TW: Health issues, blood in...
  5. silverilly reblogged this from mumblingsage
  6. mumblingsage reblogged this from thefrenemy
  7. meredithann reblogged this from uptownisdeadnow and added:
    i have been paid for writing high school essays before. sadly, not as lucrative as one would hope.
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  13. kristinelise reblogged this from thefrenemy and added:
    sugar daddies, where are you
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  21. pcblogolution reblogged this from thefrenemy and added:
    “at least I never considered Kickstarter”
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