A. If you could legally punch somebody in the throat ONCE, would you do it because you were watching a TV show and this person did that light but constant coughy thing the entire time? Walking slow in front of you? Or for some other reason?
B. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your closet and if your blood got you drunk would you sometimes drink it?
C. Would you rather go to a party where you know nobody and make small talk for two hours or watch that piece of shit movie Savages with Blake Lively two times in a row?
D. This guy wants to pay you ten thousand dollars to show a three minute clip of you having sex at his next dinner party. Ten people will be there. One of those people will be somebody you know, but you don’t know WHO. You do that, or what? What kind of sex would you be having?
E. You can bring five foods/drinks to a desert island. What are they? Or, if you’d like another food question, describe the cupcake that a bakery has named after you.
F. Rihanna will read a tweet you direct at her. What does it say?
G. Tell me your best possible Sunday, if you could have it go as you choose.
H. If you had a robot that could do only one thing, would you make it imitate Robert DeNiro and call him Robot DeNiro or what? You got a fucking better idea? What is it?
I. Would you say you hatefollow more people on Tumblr or Facebook? Give a brief summary of the person you hatefollow the most on Facebook.
J. If you were remaking a liveaction Disney movie, who would you cast in it and you can’t cast Darren Criss.
K. Tell me three texts you would send if the people receiving them wouldn’t remember them the next day. Not the person they are for, just the texts themselves here.
L. Create an American Girl Doll. Mine would definitely be an Anne Boleyn one and her head pops off.
M. What do you think would be the most perfect gift somebody could give you? Sometimes I think of these great gifts for myself and wish people would give them to me.
N. What would be the song you want to hear before you die?
O. What would be your Jeopardy tidbit you told Alex Trebek when he does that little “tell me about yourself” thing after the commercial break?
P. Congratulations, you’re a Real Housewife. What would your intro quote be in the credits? (I.E. I may be short but I’m not short on cash or prescription pill addictions)
Q. What is the thing you always hope these Questionares will ask you because you want to answer it? Go ahead and just answer anything because I know you want me to ask you a specific question, probably about a crush.
R. What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to somebody?
S. The song you dance to the most in your bedroom is…..
T. Who do you think, at this point in your life, is most likely to murder you?
U. You have a choice: watch ONLY romantic comedies for a whole year or no movies for a whole year. What do you choose?
V. Cancel one television show RIGHT NOW
W. What, if any, is the Cosmopolitan sex tip you actually use?
X. You’re a Food Network executive. What would be the show you pitch to the network? Mine is called Trough of Love, a show where reality stars eat nacho cheese with their hands tied behind their backs, hosted by Guy Fieri and Nick Lachey.
Y. Cast and name a television show about yourself, on NBC.
Z. What revenge would you take on the last person who broke your heart?
What is the stupidest question here? Were you offended there were no poop questions? Do you have anything better to do? Don’t answer these? DO people do these?
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