(the number one question asked in my anon box tonight was to inquire why they were still single. Why somebody didn’t call. Why somebody didn’t like them. Why they were alone. How to find somebody. This is my best answer.)
You are not single because of the way your hair looked on September 8th, 2012. You are not single because you snort laugh in public, or because you forgot to shave your legs last Friday. You are not single because you got home last weekend and realized the little black dress you wore was unflattering to your butt, or because your hips are larger than Kate Hudson’s or your best friend’s. You are not single because you are a messy eater or a loud talker or your nose is pointy. You are not single because you think you are fat.
Erase it. This is wrong.
You are not alone because you told somebody how you felt or you texted too much. You are not alone because you came on too fast or slept with somebody too soon or didn’t play hard to get. You are not alone because somebody’s ex-girlfriend exists. You are not alone because you are not as pretty as that ex-girlfriend. You are not alone because you have had sex with a lot of other people. You are not alone because you are haven’t had sex in a long time. You are not alone because of anywhere you have put your legs. You are not alone because somebody has called you a slut. You are not alone because a book tells you you are not going to bars enough. You are not alone because your friends accuse you of not putting yourself out there.
Erase that too. It is wrong.
You are not single because you want it so bad or you know how important love could be. You are not single because you are enlightened on the depths of love. You are not single because you watch good television or good movies. You are not single because you are special. You are not single because you believe you are better than people in relationships. You are not single because other people put pictures of themselves kissing on Facebook. You are not single because everybody out there is taken.
You are not alone because you miss somebody. You are not alone because you remember what it was like to love somebody and can’t imagine doing that again. You are not alone because it makes you sad. You are not alone because the guy who texts you doesn’t love you. You are not alone because the guy who stopped calling you has stopped calling you. You are not alone because a lot of people are assholes.
You are single because of two reasons.
You are single because you deserve to be happy in many other ways—to love yourself, to like yourself, to discover what you love and what you want. You are single because you should try out things, to explore and to learn all of the things you are when you are single. You are single because you can be a good friend to yourself. You are single because you deserve to be your own best friend. You are single because you deserve to understand yourself before somebody else can. To get acquainted with all the wonderful moments you experience in solitude. You are single because you deserve to know your potential for somebody else and for you. You are single because they are coming. You are single because you are not ready for them yet.
You are alone because somebody who will love all those things that you are hasn’t shown up. They are not late. They will be exactly on time, no matter how much you curl up in a ball and cry and think they won’t show. You are alone because great big things don’t happen everyday and so they don’t just pop up for a snack. You are alone because you have been wrong about who you thought somebody was and that is okay. You are alone and this is not pathetic it is just true. You are alone because love comes in waves. You are alone because there is somebody who will make this easy for you and you will be excited and go “THERE THE FUCK YOOU ARE” and it will be nice and give it a SECOND. You are alone because you have put a lot of stock into somebody you don’t know yet. You are alone because it’s not your time to be not alone yet.
Sometimes, you are alone because that person will only appear when you start wondering what you’ve done to make them go away. Mostly, you are single because you are single. It is not a bad thing. It is just a thing you have to do.
You won’t always be alone. You won’t always be single. Just remember you never have to be lonely.
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