Drunk Thoughts

  • I should buy another drink because if I don’t my social lubricant will dry up and die
  • I can only talk to people at a certain point of drunkeness
  • I’m not drunk enough to enjoy all these people I hate these people
  • Goodness, I will try my damndest to reach a point of enjoyment! Cheers to wine!
  • My bed is probably the most comfortable place in the world, like if a cloud burped up flannel and blessed it with cotton candy. I would like to get to this bed now.
  • Law and ORDER oh god is everybody going to kill me, Ice T?
  • I want every water
  • One does not simply walk into Mordor, on a sidenote
  • If I don’t pee right now, my bladder will probably explode and the rest of my body will have to spend the rest of its life avenging my murdered bladder
  • Speaking of bladder should I squat? No, I will hover on this public toilet like my thighs are stronger than they are
  • If I play this song on the subway will the world hear it? I don’t give a shit I will blast it so loud
  • I’m so happy I can’t even
  • Jesus, I’m so sad I might cry and die
  • If I stare in the mirror it might tell me how pretty I am, because I think I look pretty. This mirror is something I will look at now
  • Where’s my purse it’s gone forever
  • This song is my absolute favorite I should dance to this like a weirdo
  • I have to concentrate on walking now, I guess
  • I don’t have anything to say to these people so I’m just grinning maniacally
  • Murder
  • Puppies
  • Oh cool, you think that being in your twenties is hard too I guess we’ll just scream about it
  • I’d rather watch Youtube than be here
  • I really just want to go home and eat freebase cream cheese and toast
  • Oh goodness, maybe I should just go and buy pizza and eat all the pizza in the world
  • I have a brain in my head and face how weird is that bodies are so weird
  • I’m going to write on this Facebook wall even though I shouldn’t
  • I miss being a child
  • Shots are a good idea
  • Let’s giggle forever
  • I bet I could fall in love tonight
  • I have so much courage right now to fall in love
  • I deserve to fall in love
  • That guy is so cute
  • Should I talk to that guy
  • Well, he maybe looked at me we maybe held eye contact for like, 3 seconds. 3 seconds means he wants to have my child babies right?
  • He looked away and went to talk to somebody else who is blonder than most everybody. GOOD THING I imagined our wedding in my head because now that dream is so dead
  • I’m so depressed and unique
  • I love everything in the world
  • Shots aren’t the most disgusting vile thing in the world and a real ace idea
  • My ex boyfriend I have thoughts about him
  • Let’s high five so much now
  • I’m going to make so many plans with my friends that I will never keep
  • Maybe I should just online shop and buy boots and Rosetta Stone
  • I should tweet at a celebrity like Michael Cera, who seems like he might want to hear from me
  • I forget my Gmail Password
  • My mom’s so great
  • I’ll just text this guy now because he’s my favorite even though he should be dead
  • Let me clutch my phone in my hand and stare at my phone because I’m so social and good at being social
  • Did I lose my credit card? Did I start a tab? Where is all the money I have?
  • I think I lost my gloves and probably my coat
  • I can’t wait to go home and check my Tumblr
  • Maybe somebody posted a flash mob wedding or a picture of Ryan Gosling or a bulldog
  • I think I have a crush on everything
  • Everything in the world
  • I should get another drink, if I get a three dollar beer it’s probably not drinking at all
  • I am trying to wash but all the eyeliner is melting down my face like it needs revenge on my cheeks
  • I think I probably need to listen to the saddest song on my Ipod
  • Or only watch the stupidest television show
  • Everything is funny or stupid, no gray area
  • I want to meet this girl and loudly tell her we’re so compatible and laugh and stuff
  • Or tell my best friend how much I love her
  • Let me also call my friend and tell her how pretty I think her face is because I haven’t texted her in forever
  • I’m spending too much time in the bathroom
  • Every guy is hot or so, so stupid
  • Hold on, I’m gonna get into this really deep conversation about something now
  • But hell, this conversation feels so important! Everything is so important!
  • Don’t bum a cigarette, asshole.
  • I’d like to stick my hand into a potato chip bag
  • I’d like to dance around my room now
  • And smile at myself
  • slash hysterically laugh at everything 
  • and worship the God of wine
  • Fall into a deep sleep
  • Chug water
  • Wake up with the worst hangover ever and probs die

Posted 5 months ago
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    Sex sex sex Mcdonalds Sex My bed is probably...most comfortable place in the world, like...
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    In which someone read...it. See full post here.
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    funniest thing I’ve read...week. Don’t skim. Read...agree...
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    Drunk Thoughts—-
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    twice as many typos…
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