Ah, youth is wasted on the young and I’m feeling nostalgic tonight. From the perspective of a post-graduate college student, nothing really topped off an especially good Saturday night than some whiskey soaked macaroni and cheese. Here, I share the best recipe I know:
You will need:
1 box of Kraft/generic supermarket brand/Trader Joe’s macaroni and cheese
2 pre-gamed shots of vodka, 2 PBRs, 1 extra strong Jim Beam and Diet Coke
1-3 hungry roommates
The resolve to eat macaroni and cheese tonight instead of calling an ex or making out with the lame metal band singer/jock pre-med major with the strong cologne scent and appealing upper arms.
The milk your roommate bought and you ask if you can borrow a splash
Butter you suspect is old, but does butter even get old? Smell the butter, nod to nobody.
Various powdered spices (garlic powder, paprika, salt, pepper, cinnamon that you think is cayenne pepper, celery salt from your weird housemate that thinks she can cook)
1-2 slices of processed American cheese/handful of shredded cheese you stole from the bitchy, sleeping roommate. Jackpot, naughty girls!
-Get home in cab, remember box of mac and cheese, pee for what seems like forever.
- Take off ripped tights and fancy party outfit that took you an hour to decide upon but you’ve worn twice this month. Stare into mirror, wipe smudged eyeliner, approve.
-Throw on large t-shirt/college sweatshirt and loudly patter into kitchen.
-Joke with roommate about how lame that (party, ex, guy you secretly want to hook up with) was. Announce you are making food and will share, as if you are Mother Teresa.
-drop the pot you want to boil water in, laugh maniacally with friend.
-wait until the water is half-boiled, get sick of waiting and throw the boxed macaroni in anyway.
-leave on high for too long. Watch the bubbles foam over the pot because it sounds cool. Since you cannot find the colander, burn your hand and lose 1/5 of the macaroni into the sink.
-drop the powdered cheese package into the pot, tell the roommate in the TV room to put on ‘something good.’ Send halfway sexy, misspelled text to guy at party you didn’t hook up with. I mean, you want to feel wanted but, like you don’t want to sleep with him! Jesus.
-Throw all of the other ingredients into the pot and stir with a metal fork. Watch your parents find that pot when you move out and be exasperated at another ruined pot.
-dump the contents into 2-4 bowls, three of which you had to check if they were clean and rinsed under water without soap.
-serve with the half a beer you left on the windowsill/some of the ‘leftover vodka’ you keep on hand. Have no chasers and no ice.
- Eat all in three bites. Fall asleep on the couch with the empty bowl in hand. Wake up at 530 am and go to your bed. Leave bowl on couch for tomorrow.
18 years of suburban living and triple the normal time the box says it should take.
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