Social Media Bullshit
Getting busier with the book, so I know posts have been sporadic lately…but don’t worry, I have a couple of makeup/hair products posts I promised, and probably some drunky rant posts too. But I am super excited about how the book is coming along! I have a paragraph long joke about salmon and dieting! I’m super excited for you guys to eventually read it. In the meantime, follow me on these other things. God, I love Instagram:

Instagram for: lipstick, pics of my old nose ring, drinks I am consuming

Facebook for: rants

Twitter for: drunk and disorderly conduct, also Planet of the Apes jokes I guess.

Just a reminder that this is on Saturday from 7-10 at 200 Orchard! Again, super pumped to meet you all. And as an FYI, I will be wearing that lip stain I always barf about, except in hot pink.

Super hope to see you lovelies there. I’m kinda nervous!

Quick Ass Ways To Lose Weight

-feel the weight lifted off your shoulders as you refuse to conform to impossible beauty standards and choose to love and respect your body as is. Ah, just feel the pressure melting right off you! I feel so light and free

-stop texting that piece of shit

-start ignoring people who make you feel bad about your body or are just generally unappealing troll people. Look for the kinds of slugs that like Terry Richardson or say anything bad about Mindy Kaling, or don’t give you any of their fries. That’s 120-160 pounds of easy weight loss right there, just watch it slip away as you get into a bikini and prance all around.

-clothes are around 2-3 pounds, so be naked and do naked things with a cutie

-honestly, it’s summer and you don’t need a 4 pound statement necklace at this point in time

-please, please put down the puppy you are dognapping. That is not your puppy. Please join the party now. I will forgive this but not forget, and be mindful of all puppies around you from now on.

-finish the plate of nachos you were holding. That’s a quick one pound weight loss there, look how easy that was, so simple and nice

-pee out the 4 margaritas you enjoyed on a nice hot summer day, just pee it all out baby

Me and my wedding date

Me and my wedding date

Yo! The Frenemy NYC Meetup is next week!

I’m super excited about The Frenemy NYC Meetup at 200 Orchard Bar…which is at 200 Orchard Street…in Manhattan on July 19th from 7-10pm!

Seriously. So looking forward to meeting you all. Let me know if you are coming! We will drink cocktails and swap awkward stories and generally be merry before you go out and “kill the town” or “eat a drunk meal” on a Saturday night. This is definitely a low pressure, low key meetup to hang with me and also meet other cool ladies and obviously talk about lipstick.

ALSO: one of my bff’s met his boyfriend at my last meetup, and they’ve been together for 3 years and they live together and have a grill! So…magic happens at Frenemy meetups!