So I’ve been yapping my face off about this for forever now, but my book comes out May 7th. In fact, I just finished buying my outfit for the book party yesterday. Hint: I am going to break my ankle in leather wedges, and I am now in debt thanks to TopShop jewelry. Is it better quality than Forever 21’s? Probably and definitely not!

Are you coming to my partaaaay?

Anyway, the book comes out on Tuesday but if you want to pre-order it now you should do so. The Kirkus Review says, “This book, like one of its myriad cocktails, is dry, dirty and surprisingly refreshing.” So I think it’s pretty okay to read! And for extra incentive, I’m having a preorder giveaway.

Here’s what you do: You comment on this post OR The Frenemy Facebook Wall if you don’t have a Tumblr. Say something like “hey, bitch, I preordered!” Do it by Monday at 5pm and I will choose a winner at random (I have a very archaic way to do this that involves an Effie Trinket-esque fishing of paper out of a bowl). That winner will be contacted; you’ll have to show me proof of pre-order and BAM! You get:

-A personalized letter written by me

-A Penguin Books goody bag, delightfully chosen by my awesome editor Kate

-Frenemy-esque knickknacks of my choosing which COULD include but are not limited to: tights that will rip immediately, neon nail polish, cheapo jewelry, and pickle chips.

SO there you go! This is book week, baby dolls, and I am so pumped I am going to chew my own knuckles off.

Trigger warning here!

Read More

Daenerys Targaryen

Hooker With A Heart of Gold (would not be 12-years-old) (best for Barbie? Research)

Radical Feminist (comes with zine)

Body Positive Fat Acceptance Rebecca

Body Positive Thin-and-Healthy Morgan

Roller Derby Girl “Lana Del Rat”

Drew Barrymore (kid)

The Ones You Design To Look Like You But Actually Look Like You (covered in marinara?) And Not Just Like Molly

Early 2000’s “My only discerning characteristic is my GAP denim jacket and love for AIM”

I think an American Boy doll would be kind of nice, it’s okay for boys to play with dolls (plus, if Felicity identifies as straight she could use a bf her age and stop crushing after that other guy. Paul Revere? Maybe)

Hillary Clinton

American Mean Girl Doll (not to just cash in on trends here, but yes!)

Lil Wayne Life Sized Doll

Hi all! 

Come to my book party on May 10th. Come meeeet me when my hair is did and get a book signed and drink free wine and party afterwards:

RSVP to my Facebook event

I would love to see you guys, as you guys are pretty much the reason this shit is happening. Bring friends, friends of friends, and Frenemies HAR HAR HAR BARF. 

Flier made by Shane Moore

I fucking love talking about this kind of stuff. Here is my official New York City Food Awards:

1) Best Mac and Cheese: Tie. Get me a purple Annie’s box, add two slices of American cheese, hot sauce, and [ground turkey, broc, spinach, cheddar, tomatoes or carmelized onions] or get me S’Mac in the East Village, where you can add all of those things and pay like, 4 bucks for a plastic cup of wine. Dumont Burger has some expensive shit if you fancy.

2) Best Pizza: Di Fara’s. Yes it is worth it, yes it is far, yes it sometimes gets shut down for rat poop, yes, it is filled with smoke, yes, get it with artichokes and thank me later. Also: newbie Williamsburg Pizza makes some shit with pears and gorgonzola that I respect.

3) Best Cheap Ass Meal: 4 bucks gets you bread, penne a la vodka and a green salad at Cornerstone Cafe and their brunch is fucking bomb, too.

However, my favorite restaurants ARE ASS FOLLOWS:

• Talde is my #1: IT IS MY JAM get the bacon egg and cheese fried rice at brunch or the pretzel dumplings or the bacon pad thai
• The Commodore has stupid men in beards and also the best cheese sauce I’ve ever had on nachos
• I go on friend dates to Edo Sushi in Union Square cuz it’s buy-one-get-one beers and also the veggie sushi is awesome
• Caracas Arepas YES Luke’s Lobster OUT
• Salvation Taco is one of those trendy bullshit places but it’s pre-tty pre-tty good
• The best sandwich in NYC is probably just the 3 dollar one at your local bodega.
• Chelsea Market has some fucking awesome crepes AND don’t forget to get the truffle salt and literally put it on everything
• My most frequented brunch place is Harefield Road but it’s really just 12 bucks for a Bloody and some eggs
• Momofuku is overRATED in my loudly humble opinion
• Sabra Hummus with olive oil and pickles in front of the TV is the best hummus in NYC
• It is my life’s goal to go eat at Mission Chinese
• I don’t really eat cupcakes but when I do I eat froyo at PinkBerry
• M Noodle has some pretty good dumplings but I so does any dumpling place, really.