I want nothing more than to be the Angela to someone’s Shawn; to be the cool girl who makes the bad boy realize that love is possible and worth it. Looking back, I wish I had just watched The Brady Bunch as a kid and looked for guys with resilient attitudes towards divorce, but no-go. Boy Meets World set me on a warpath to falling for men who would never call me, and I could not assume it was because he was hanging out with his elderly principal.
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A quote from Don’t Worry, It Gets Worse about how Shawn Hunter fucked up my dating life, cuz if you’re doing nothing this weekend/on the beach you could do me a solid and pick up my book. That would be nice! Now excuse me, I’m going to put on a sweatshirt cuz it’s fucking cold out. Happy Memorial Day!
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*Nothing pisses me off more than people romanticizing the Great Gatsby quote
“I hope she’ll be a fool—that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.” Oh, great! Love seeing this picture over Instagram photos of lipstick and flowers and shit. Daisy Buchanan was a flowery weed in flapper sequins. The best thing a girl can be in the modern world (where some psycho bazillonaire with great hair and an anger problem isn’t pining after her like a golden fucking ice cream cone) is a tough warrior. A smart cookie. An empathizer, a pirate, a time-traveler, a sweet nurturer, a rebel, a hard worker, a UNICORN. Not a fucking fool who is totes pretty.
Great book, though!
*currently. Yesterday nothing pissed me off more than the 6 train
Seen in Astoria. Learned in college.
To People Who Have Graduated College A Couple Of Years Ago
A couple of years ago, (around this time although I do not remember the day nor does it warrant looking up) I, too, graduated college.
That’s right, you fresh crop of Facebook photo albums, I ALSO once carried a smart phone while frantically looking for my parents post-ceremony, lost in a sea of light cardigans and Ann Taylor mom pants. That’s right, you group shots of bright cheeks and “it’s weird that I hooked up with him and he got in this picture anyway!” I was there once. I held the diploma and then stuck it on my wall instead of burning or eating it. I did it as well.
Time, you devil. I look at these Twitter statuses, ye throngs of faithful social media mavens, displaying optimism and fear and all that lies in between—and I feel old. Well, not old in the way Rose was SO old she deemed it perfectly fine to drop a bajillion dollar necklace in the sea. Old in the way that my bread feels old: moldly, but still potentially usable.
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And here I am in what I now know to be the brightest and loudest outfit I own. The Kraft Singles to a Eugene Mirman/Stephen Colbert sandwich. I’d say this be a good fuckin’ week.
P.S. I played LIFE the board game this weekend for the first time in years. It’s a lot more sobering now, although a lot easier to find a job (Cop: 100,000 a year) and a lot easier to purchase a house (split level: later destroyed by tornado).
