Whatever, I’m A Basic Bitch

Okay. I’ll admit it. I’m a basic bitch.

So what if I like the feel of hot, pumpkin spice coffee wrapped around my hands. Yeah, you like my nail polish? It’s Essie in “Take it Outside.” That’s taupe with pink undertones, motherfucker. I got bottles of em in 30 shades of gray, cranberry, wine, merlot, a different kind of cranberry. They are all puns. What of it? Don’t you like the beautiful nuances of the English language? The word trickery that this celestial landscape can paint?

Hold on, I’m going to Instagram my coffee. So what? I have great boots on. You can see the coffee cup and the boots at the same time. I think it’s an aesthetically pleasing picture and I want the people in my life to see it. Why do you fucking care? Why do you care that I like my coffee like I like Idris Elba: covered in artificial pumpkin and in my mouth?

And yeah, it’s fall and I’m happy about it. Fall is great. I like leaves and a slight chill. I happen to really enjoy jacket weather. I have a lot of great jackets. Sorrrrrrry I’m not sitting in a puddle of my own tears crying because summer is over and I can’t go eat a tomato corn dog or whatever.

Also sooo sorry I’m taking my hard-earned cash to go and buy a candle that smells like a MARSHMALLOW so I can have a MARSHMALLOW HOUSE and watch HOCUS POCUS IN IT. Oh! Sorry NOT SORRY. I thoroughly enjoy my marsh house and my tea with lemon and my comfy sweatshirts from V Secret.

Okay, you’re really gonna come at me because I like yoga pants? Do you know—do you know how COMFORTABLE yoga pants are? Putting them on is like being swaddled like a little baby, except as a baby you never noticed how good my ass looks in yoga pants. My ass looks absolutely incredible in yoga pants. And don’t get me started on my tummy fat—it’s like it’s not even there.

What’s it to you that I’m going to brunch? I happen to really enjoy eggs. I don’t care what you do with them. Put some goat cheese on that bitch if you nasty. Put some hollandaise sauce on there, too. Funnel me a mouthful of bloody mary’s and a spin class. It’s Sunday and I’m alive.

Yes, that’s almost a Lena Dunham quote.

Yes, I drink red wine. It has heart healthy benefits, you uncultured toad.

Yes, I listen to pop music and I’ve liked a few old pics of Marilyn Monroe because I respected her as a comedienne. Yes, I like truffles. Leave me alone! All kinds of truffles! Ground ones and Godiva ones! Leave me alone! I want to enjoy my shows and things without you hassling me! I’m not basic! I’m a real human being with varied emotions and complicated energy and all kinds of hobbies!

So come on, call me a basic bitch. Come at me, bro. I’ll be over here, enjoying my blowdried hair and puttin blueberry muffin recipes on pinterest.

You blueberryless motherfucker.

How's the second book coming?

Good. 

Nobody’s seen much of it yet, which is very disconcerting, very I’m speaking alone in a room with yellow wallpaper, you know? But I feel good.

Writing about feminism and being a woman is a scary thing. I know this book is going to be more controversial. I know some will hate it. I know I’m gonna get mean reviews. But I also think it’s the book I was meant to write. I also think it will help a lot of people. I also think that it’s pretty solid. My book is sort of a memoir about becoming a feminist, a gentle push for those who are afraid to use the word, and an honest look at the importance I feel it holds. I talk about my body, my biracialness, and a lot of other things that I felt were private but, given the current climate, I now feel are important to discuss.

There’s a change coming. There’s a change coming in a dark world, still filled with a lot of pain and shit and people who hurt women and unfairness. But the change is a voice in the fight, and it’s a powerful thing. I see Emma Watson’s speech on heforshe. I see Roxane Gay. I see Emma Sulkowicz. I see pleas for change, and I feel honored to be a smaller voice in the grand scheme of the fight. 

So, in a nutshell: I’m tired, I’m worn out, and I’m on the precipice of being really fucking excited about what I have here.

I also think I have a title. Hopefully  I will be able to confirm soon!

From one work-from-home-creative-human, Besides being terrified of deadlines, how do you stay motivated to work everyday? How do you know when you've worked enough for the day? (aka PLEASE HELP ME STRUCTURE MY LIFE AND NOT GO INSANE)

Working from home is great and it is awful for the same reasons: you don’t ever wear pants (so you often forget to do laundry) and you never leave the house. Here are my tips for staying sane and actually getting work done:

1. When you’re having one of those unproductive days, leave the house. Even if it’s to run errands or walk around the block, it will make you feel “REFRESHED” enough to clear your mind and bring back the focus.

2. Find your happy place by changing up your environment. Try going to a coffee shop. Try working in your bedroom. Or on your couch. Work while watching tv. Then work with music. Then work with silence. Once you figure out where you get the most work done, let that be your office space. Me? It was Scarlett on the couch with shitty television blasting or complete silence.

3. Utilize your productive times by turning off the internet. I’m most productive before lunch and early evening. So I tend to keep only my gmail browser open (with chat turned off) and maximize my best hours by staying away from technology for those few hours.

4. Schedule, but be flexible with your schedule. When I’m working longer schedules, I keep a word doc on my desktop with tasks arranged by week. If I don’t get the work done? I edit the document and plan and change accordingly. Don’t obsess over soft deadlines, just make sure you are staying productive and not falling behind.

5. Ignore people who say stupid stuff like “you don’t have to go to work” because haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate

6. Keep a budget. Freelancing is hard, yo, and doesn’t always pay well. If you manage your money wisely, you’ll have one less thing to worry about during the week.

7. Stop working when you want to stop working. You absolutely know when your brain can no longer process any work. Sometimes that’s at 9pm. Sometimes it’s at 2pm. But let yourself put the work down when you know you are at the point that you will no way do any more writing that makes sense.

8. Keep a mild routine. Try to wake up at the same time. Take a shower when you are dirty, keep hygenic, and even put regular clothes sometimes. Eat lunch around the same time. Try to stop at the same time. Don’t let it become a free-for-all. Provide yourself some structure.

8a. Keep NO ROUTINE sometimes. If you are on a tight deadline, stay up as late as you need to. Sleep in. Refuse to take a shower for 3 days straight. Don’t feel guilty or slovenly when you are stressed out of your fucking mind and need to get a giant project done.

9. Eat your meals away from technology, even if it’s 5 minutes at your table shoveling a sandwich in your mouth.

10. Sometimes, you just gotta stay away from your fucking computer and your phone for a whole day. Take a break every once in a while: you deserve it, boss.

What's your makeup routine for the "It's been raining for a week and I just really don't give two shits about anyone" kind of day?

So you mean MOST DAYS?! Honestly, as much as I love makeup I also love not wearing makeup, so most normal days I try to use 5-6 products or less. 

You know how makeup tutorials are like “hey this is gonna be a natural look” and then it’s a million products? Yo! No effing thanks. Sometimes I do a no makeup makeup look when I’m trying to spend 25 minutes on a face that will make people go “she’s so glowy is she an ANGEL” but that takes time and effort. I don’t have those often.

Here’s the base of my go-to, super easy, 3 minute look:

1. Eyebrows: Define your eyebrows with clear brow gel, tinted brow gel, a pencil OR some eyebrow wax. I usually use the benefit brow gel. A quick swipe defines my face and tames the hairiest part OF my face and keeps your “EYEBROW GAME STRONG” like eyebrows have the chance to GAIN POWER.

2: Eyes: Eyes are the eyes of your face, and deserve some attention. You want most people to look at them. Just a bit of mascara, and if I’m feeling fancy, any ole light brown eyeshadow to neutralize lid redness. My favorites are Maybelline The Rocket and Maybelline Color Tatoo in Bad to the Bronze.

3: Lips: I hate when lips are chapped, and it’s pretty damn easy to swipe some clear chapstick on them to define them slightly and keep em kissable. If I’m feeling SUPER fancy, I’ll tap some cranberry or wine colored lipstick on. I don’t APPLY it, I just TAP it to add some “i’m so naturally sexy” to my look. 

Products used: 4

LASTLY: Use one or two products to cover/enhance whatever the fuck YOU want. I think that easy, go-to looks should be changed up according to whatever your face needs that day. I always do the above 3 steps and then finish up with whatever one or two products will make me feel the best about leaving my house. Usually, I’ll add some concealer under the eyes and on my pimples (my go to is NYX HD Concealer or NARS Creamy Concealer) to add some brightness and cover some devil spots. Or blush if I feel like I’m looking dead and pale. Or highlighter on my cheekbones and inner corners if I’m feeling like a glow. Or eyeliner. This last part is up to you!

Either way, five minutes or less and you are actually out the freaking door.

Axe Me

Hey guys!

Send me your questions and I will answer them, as I am currently mentally exhausted, resting my feet, and eating cashews by the handful. I physically have no more space in my brain for original thoughts that are not book, I am in a wedding this weekend, and I also have a hearty bout of insomnia. My brain is basically Jello pudding, and I’d like to chat with y’all.

EDIT: I don’t keep questions on anon, but please tell me if you want to be kept anon and I always comply.

Ask away!