The Frenemy.

Apr 16

Question

You asked: Favorite way to deliver a love confession?

I answer: The best time a first “I love you” tumbled out of my gaping maw—- I was drunk and eating pizza, but most of all—I meant it so fucking much I had to say it, I had to say it now, I had to say it with marinara sauce on my teeth.

When you are about to explode from it all, you sing it out, and you’ll be surprised how loud you can hit the notes.

Anyway: Go for it. You die always and you could even die loved. I’d say it’s a risk worth taking. If not, you’re still alive and there’s always tomorrow and fuck it, there’s always pizza.

developmental-strategies asked: How do you figure out what to do with your life

Holy shit, babe, you almost never do and you almost never stick with it.

It’s a big ole bumblefuck of “this is what I love” and “this is how I survive” and you find the most middle ground possible and see how these ebb and flow almost constantly. To live life, though, I suggest always taking detours, learning to say no, realizing things will always change, and trying to keep your “things you love” level as balanced as possible with your survival.

Find out who you ARE, first, and find out how much you can take and it’s the best running start you’ll have.

And uh, remember: it’s a balance of “it’s never too late” and “your time here is so short”, but you can probably always open new doors if you notice they are there.

Question

They Asked: What do you do when you’re sad (but not depressed)? I’m in a funk.

I answer: You let yourself be sad for a minute, and then you catapult your way out of it, whether you want to or not. When I was (yo, pretty recently) in a funk, not knowing what the fuck I was doing or why I allowed my room to get so messy, I laid around for a couple of days and warmed myself in the stew of alone and sad. Didn’t speak a lot. Watched Mob Wives, ate takeout, read books that I couldn’t finish, drank wine I couldn’t finish, and quietly thought. I thought about what I wanted. I thought about why I was unhappy. I thought about where Jonathan Taylor Thomas was. I thought about myself, about being selfish, and all the things I wanted out of life. And when I was a couple of days shower-free and melancholy, I brushed my hands off and jumped back into life.

I said yes to parties, I went out for a run, I saw the sun, I called people, I began to make some changes in the absolute smallest ways possible (I took out the garbage in my room, for example). I did STUFF. It didn’t work right away, but you can only take a vacation from life for so long before you lose the things you didn’t know you’d miss. And I also began to realize some things that I didn’t miss at fucking ALL. And when you’re back to life, you make little plans to start to change these, too.

So, in the middle of your funk, immerse yourself in things and prioritize. But hell, take a little time to yourself, first. You’re allowed to wallow in moderation.

Question Time

Crowdsourcing for Questions. In a writing, chatty mood but can only think of three things: Black Beans for Dinner, Why The Fuck Is It So Cold, And Mozzarella.

Ask me some questions and I can assure you, I will tell no lies. And you know, also I will answer them.

Apr 15

Prediction: The Forever 21 Summer Collection

-Sizeless everything. Because a small in Forever 21 sometimes looks like it could fit on somebody who is a size small, and sometimes it looks like the person who sized it has never seen sizes? Sometimes I’m a large but then I’m an extra small? Why are there so many straps and why are the armholes here?

-Stick-on bindis that contain tracking devices so you can find the person wearing it and give them a grandmotherly smack on the back of their head, okay HUDGENS?

-A shirt so heavily encrusted with skull studs that you can be a Russian Monarch Child getting shot at and still survive. We call this shirt the Anastasia. Does not come with hot cartoon dude.

-We’re still doing this with the bodysuits?

-Giant shirt that says “PIZZA-CATTITUDE-GIVE ME YOUR BOYFRIEND” and it’s actually a summoning device of the devil, who is actually the 13-year-old girl who called her mother a bitch in the makeup section at Target when I was home last weekend.

-A leather executioner’s hood with floral headband attached, for when you want to cute up your medieval cosplay.

-A light pink, floral Marauder’s Map that leads you to the section in Forever 21 with the cheap flannel that fits, the untangled necklaces and everybody is over the age of 14.

-Shorts that are so short they just go “I’m sorry, I give up” and climb straight up into your bumhole

-Graphic T-shirts that say: “Fuck it, I Guess I’ll Buy This,” “But Why is There a HOLE HERE?!?!” “This Costs 4 Dollars And This Costs 25?!” and “Oh, Awesome, Cross Detailing.”

-Jewelry that’s already green

-Skirts at Impressively Unflattering Lengths even you couldn’t imagine

-Crop Tops: Wear these and many pagan farmers believe it will keep their wheat fields going for yet another cruel and harsh summer

-A dress that seems like, maybe it will look good? Do you think this will look good? Am I too old for this? It’s not like I have any more cash than I did when I was in college.

-For the Love of All Things, Please Stop With The Elastic Waistband
-The Miley Cyrus Collection* *Girl Who Is Going To A Miley Cyrus Concert Collection

-Hey man, wanna try making a bralette for D Cups?

-A giant headband that is shaped into the Eye of Sauron, all-knowing, useful when you are searching for at least one fucking midi-ring that looks good

-A Protective Shield that just radiates Valencia Filter off you

-A cute skirt that gives you two hours of your life back in this store. God, I fucking love this store.