A portrait of my Thanksgiving. Grateful for a myriad of people, food things, television shows, and internet posts. I raise a glass of whiskey to you, The Craft currently on LOGO, and the good kinds of traditions.
1. Crushing debt! Help!
2. The ability to irritate people with an abundance of lists on Buzzfeed featuring Gak
3. As if! Whatever! Talk to the hand!(Not being able to live debt free/living in a dark shroud of debt, the debt is everywhere, it is covering me)
4. What the genitalia of Ken Dolls looked like in the 1990s. I don’t remember it too clearly but I think it was like a cucumber buried in a mountain of sand
5. You could walk home by yourself and get kidnapped but people weren’t as paranoid about that. So a lot of your friends were kidnapped. Ashley F? Benjamin G? Nobody existed before 1995 named Aiden!
6. You didn’t really know how to feel about a lot of things because you couldn’t read internet articles the next day about how those things were racist
7. Pencils! Erasers! We are depleting the resources of this great nation!
8. Oh great this fucking toy the 90s kids were the only kids with the toys. Look this toy is a bug we baked oh look this toy is so small even an adult can choke to death on it
9. Hermit crabs are now extinct
10. Easy Bake Oven Deaths
11. Living in fear that tonight would be the night your Furby would quench its bloodlust (Furbys came out in 1998 don’t you fucking question me)
12. A world without The Situation
13. The exploitation of children’s emotions were done with real dogs instead of CGI
14. It was fun because nobody realized yet that the Internet was full of murderers
15. Children drank soda with wild abandon
16. Television! There was so much television that we can all sit around and remember it, together. Nickelodeon lol
17. The only book was Goosebumps it was the only book
19. (Yeah yeah)
20. People liked Hocus Pocus just fine and they kept their cool about the whole thing
21. Not everything circled back to Mean Girls
22. We could go to Taco Bell
23. Wingdings and debt! DEBT
24. Like, nobody actually had Lisa Frank folders except that one bitch. You all had the cat folders and you know it
25. The Simpsons
26. Living in a world where the 20-something generation was really smug about the superiority of their childhood.
27. Had to go outside school grounds to get hardcore drugz
28. Nothing. There are so many lists about 90s kids you all pretty much know everything please stop with the lists
Men. Fashion icons. Men. Men who have worn button-down shirts for almost 2000 years. Men who were born wearing charity run promotional t-shirts and Heineken boxers. These are the men that have opinions on the outfits I choose to wear. According to this article on the HuffPost, these men—decked out in basketball shorts though they have not run for years—realllllly hate our clothing. They also believe that we need to hear about it. Oh! OH! Thank you, Oh Lord in And1 Sweatshirt From HS! I greatly appreciate the advice! I only dress solely for you and old people, who seem to be the most vocal about my dresses! Still, in the words of “CARRIE BRADSHAW” it got me to thinking. I’d like to explain myself. I don’t want you to think I don’t love you guys and need to look like a constant walking fuck machine for you! So I’ve come up with a counter-list, explaining why I wear the crazy trends I do:
For more “exciting” photos of my dog in sweaters, selfies of me hungover, and gratuitous bottles of wine, follow me on Instagram @TheFrenemy
Shameless plug of the day! Go me! Go meat!
I don’t know if you know this about me, but I LOVE makeup. I’ve been wearing eyeliner since I was 12 years old. It was bright blue and I looked like I was trying out to be a precocious best friend on a Disney Channel show.
I especially love makeup trends lately, from sharp claw-nails to bold lips and hella winged eyeliner, it’s very clear trends are more about feeling confident for yourself. No need to be conventional Maxim Mag sexy for all the men and shit! I think makeup isn’t supposed to be a way to “hide your flaws.” It’s a way to make yourself look badass. Today, I bestow my best and most special makeup tips to you (this isn’t sponsored in any way, what am I, a fucking sellout? NOPE, DAD I AM NOT):