January 2013
7 posts
Products I Use So I Don't Look Like A Dog
I’ve gotten some questions lately about my favorite beauty products by readers of the blog and also people admiring my beauty on the streets (one of those is a lie). I’m glad you asked because it proves to me you, too, waste hours of your life watching beauty gurus on YouTube. My favorite is this girl I want to make shut up but also kind of want to shop at Forever21 with. Anyway, the...
Dear Penny:
I got a sad letter today. All I will post is my answer:
Dear Penny:
Last night, you asked me why things matter, and frankly, I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I thought about it all day, and also I think I’ve been contemplating it for years.
Jesus Christ, I’ve been in some holes. I have laid down on the floors of showers and have held that coughy-sob in my throat...
Frenemy Housekeeping!
Sup y’all—
Ever since the “HOLIDAY SEASON” ended and 2013 began, it’s been a big-ass-popcorn-ball of good and bad things for your sassy writerfriend here. The good is that “Don’t Worry, It Gets Worse” comes out May 28th, and my nail polish collection has grown considerably, and my roommate got us a Roku so we can watch Netflix together, and my bf...
Honestly, All I Do
There are very many parts of me that believe everything will be okay:
All of them are laying on a futon that smells almost faintly of too many people; a body made of a single index finger typing on a keyboard, a hand weighed down by a stationary chest, a stomach and a brain and a heart of varying importance, depending on the day.
Today I will google how to make spinach empanadas and what...
Things I Have Considered Doing To Have More Money
get hit in the leg by a taxi cab or mail truck
stop drinking
stop ordering craft beer at every bar
put a donate button on my blog in case one of my followers is a secret millionaire who likes to help girls who are kind of broke by their own accord
but I’m not an asshole
at least I never considered Kickstarter
start an Ancestry.com account in case I have a really rich, dying eccentric...
Today Fucking Sucks
Today really fucking sucks.
And I know that I’m not supposed to think these things because I have a roof over my head, and I have my whole face and oh my GOD, I turn on the news and I cannot believe how stupid and awful people are, but today is still the worst. I mean, it’s not BAMBI hearing his mother get shot bad, it’s more like “I am Rachel McAdams and I got into a car...
Things I Have Already Learned In 2013
and therefore have almost nothing to learn for the rest of the year
when getting your New Years makeup on, the eight kinds of brown/taupe/copper/a kind of brown called virgin/another kind of brown called slut/shimmery eye makeup you layer in and around the general creases just end up looking like. fucking. brown.
<——brown, you vain fucking LOSER (my macbook selfie, bitchezzzz)
if...
