November 2012
11 posts
Things I Will Certainly Do This Holiday Season
roll my eyes at every stupid commercial where some jackwad puts a giant bow on a goddamn car for her stupid asshole sweater-wearing husband
decide I want hot chocolate, make hot chocolate, spike it with Bailey’s and whiskey, realize it is cold and gross and I probably just want regular hot chocolate and to be drunk already
buy a Peppermint Mocha but pumpkin spice is better
listen to the...
Here's How You Can Get My Book On Preorder →
You can now get the ole book on Amazon.com, which is absurdly exciting to me. If you want to preorder, do so. Send me a message if you get at it now and I will thank you personally with a reason why I like you. Actually, I love you. And since I’m not allowed to put an excerpt on the Internet just yet, I give you the now cut beginning of the chapter I wrote when I wasn’t a +1 broad:...
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Thankful Thankful 2012
Last night, I ate mashed potatoes smack dab between two of my favorite people in the world and sat at a table with some of the best New Yorkers I know and now I have to drink a red wine spritzer and shut up with the complaining and start being nice. I’ve written a Thanksgiving post every year I’ve had the blog because I’m a smartass who gets all riled up when something slightly...
A Lesson in Adulthood Via Birth Control
A couple of people asked me about the best form of birth control to prevent pregnancy. I am NOT a doctor and I’ve seen doctor shows on ABC and I guess all you do is recite body parts, cut people, and sleep with your boss and I’m not good at any of those. So I am definitely no DR. Yet as a 24-year-old pretty “up to date” with sex, I thought I’d know more about...
Anonymous asked: What's a polite way of suggesting to your girlfriend that you'd like her to shave or trim down there? I'm fine with going au natural, but it'd be easier to go down on her if there were a little less hair.
1 tag
Question: Dirty Talk? How?
I used to think dirty talk was really creepy and lecherous and weird, like stuff that maybe Wilson from Home Improvement was mumbling because you couldn’t see his mouth—“I’d like to lick your eyes, Jonathan Taylor Thomas.” I used to think that when dirty talking, you also had to use words like “naughty princess” and “ramming.” I thought you HAD...
Sex, Part One
There are four things I know for sure when it comes to sex—it’s really great, it smells weird, it better be fucking consensual, and everybody is thinking about it mostly all the time. Except for asexuals. And me whenever I see grilled cheese being slowly pulled apart. Oh no that’s when I think about it the most.
I always feel weird when I talk publicly about sex and having it...
Sex Talk
For no reason other than me not wanting to clean my room tonight, and also because I had this awesome brunch at Talde today (that included pretzel dumplings and cheesy fried rice and a realllll beefcake stud of a brunch companion), I’ve really got a lot of the sex on my mind. You know sex. The jelly-filled snack of late night yore. The gooey plastic bag of ghostly moans. The “well,...
This election, vote Ovaries before Brovaries.
Boy Meets Tiny Section of World, Again
The hurricane is over and I’m alive and I hope you are too. I’m not going to write anything about it other than it affected some people I know and mostly people I don’t know and both cases are very sad. Seeing Manhattan without any lights was scary and now I don’t want a zombie apocalypse anymore. Donate to the Red Cross or give some cans or coats if you can afford to...
