Their Question: What do I do if I catch feelings for my friends with benefits? Keep in mind my life is no romantic comedy and I’m horrible at expressing my feelings to people..
My Answer: Holy shit. I am so glad our lives aren’t romantic comedies, and you should be glad too. Romantic comedies are little chunks of shit. They are love-is-the-ultimate-fantasy death traps. They are mutant cupcake corpses, where everything is tied up in a neat little pastel cardigans and buried underneath some bullshit idea that life literally ends in two hours and after your first wedding kiss. Barf, yak, blech. Give me a world that isn’t all “maybe if I fall on the street I will meet James Marsden.” If I’m regretting anything, it’s that life isn’t like a wizard war or fighting for the Iron Throne or storming the Capitol. But of course, life is grittier and dirtier in much more manageable ways, and it’s about time you got dirt on your hands.
Okay, so the advice I have is pretty simple: Go for it, babe. You can NOT go for it, because generally speaking, the “benefit” of friends with benefits is “getting it on, sex wise” rather than “love” and hell, let’s face it, you could be shot down. But you know, you can stay quiet and keep telling yourself that your life is not a rom com or you can make your life a really epic kind of thing and just speak up. You can find out things. You can open up all sorts of doors.
Emotions are kinda hard for EVERYBODY to articulate. That’s because being a person and putting yourself out there is difficult, but I trust you can do it. “Hey, I like you” will even suffice, followed up with a “where should we go from here,” but I’m straying because:
Life isn’t a rom com or an action-adventure or the many, many wonderful worlds we fall into to forget our own realities, but we can be the heroine of our own life. This sounds outwardly ridiculous in some ways and all kinds of literary fluffernutter, but it is important in it’s own right. It urges you to Take Control. Thinking of yourself as the heroine urges you to plunge into things and live a little harder. Get bloody. Don’t sit around.
You cannot control the outcome of your life. You cannot write your own story when so many things are reactive and left up to circumstance. But you CAN choose your own adventure. You CAN choose your own plot twists and you CAN choose to put yourself out there, speak up, and demand that your life be put in your own hands when you can have it that way.
In a world that takes away so much agency away from us all, this is more precious than anything: any love, any love interest, any friend you kiss, you can always have your will and might and courage. Start flexing it. Start speaking.
The rom com is dead. You are not.